I have a feeling this entry is going to be drenched in lyrics. I've been listening to Red Letter Days a lot lately and it is just a another testament of genius that is Jakob Dylan. What an incredibly gifted man. Nearly every one of his songs speaks directly to me. And if I didn't know better, I'd swear he's stalking me because some of the words he uses are quite simply put, mirrors of my feelings.

Anyway, the reason for my filling this entry with lyrics is to describe my state of being. I feel so incredibly wonderful right now. Things are looking up and I'm going to try my hardest to keep them that way.

I've decided to undertake a few tasks for myself, a quest, if you will, to become more self reliant. I've realized that I really don't need anyone else to get by. Well, I realized that quite some time ago but I frequently lose sight of that. Now, though, I am ready to take another shot at this. I'm older now, hopefully wiser, and the world is my oyster. Egh... I don't like oysters... hmmmm... the world is my gypsy lover? Eh, it works.

I'm not worried about what anyone else thinks, the only thing that worries me is failing myself. That'd be the ultimate tragedy. I have so much to look forward to in life and I'll have plenty of time to be sick when I'm older. I have a good job, a loving family, and fabulous friends, there's nothing more I could ask for, or even want at this time. Work is a haven for me, it keeps me out of the house long enough to keep the boredom from driving me mad. My Marie just got hired so now it will be even better. I love having co-workers that are pleasant to work with. It's nice not having to pull everyone's weight.

The weirdest thing happened at work last night. I was busy helping a customer when I looked up at the door and who should I see standing there? Rive, Melly, and Kyle. I haven't seen Melly in over two years and it's been well over three years since I last saw Kyle. It was interesting to see the effect this interest had on all of us. They had no idea I worked there and I had absolutely no idea that they were in town. We sat and talk for a long time, caught up on thing, shared a few laughs. I could tell I made Kyle uneasy, not just my presence but my constant references to cocaine and alcohol. (If I believed in reincarnation, I'm sure I was a drug addict in another life.) Apparently the business Rive was in town for not too long ago was to find a decent apartment for Kyle. He decided that it'd much harder for him to go clean in Reno where everything is easy to access. So, he's gonna be out here for a while and Melly's gonna come to school out here as well. I lurv Melly and I'm so excited to be able to spend more time with her.

I used to think that I was never really in love with Kyle, that I was just infatuated, in love with love itself. I realize now that I was sorely mistaken. I was madly in love with him and still have some pretty strong feelings for him that even I wasn't aware of. That's an almost overwhelming realization for me to have stumbled across at this time. Wow, that's kind of incoherent and if you don't understand it, I don't blame you. I've ranted about Kyle before but I have to clarify a few things. There were two Kyles; the sober Kyle who was as sweet an angel and as charming as sin. And then there was the under-the-influence Kyle who was a bastard. Unfortunately, you never really got to hear about sober Kyle because I dealt more with under-the-influence Kyle and that tainted my perception of him. Now that he's trying to come clean, he's so much more pleasant to be around and if he wasn't married I might consider a relationship with him once again.

I had hoped to to be able to finish this entry before work but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Wellie's having a party tonight and I'm going to stop in when I get off work. If that doesn't run extremely late I'll try to finish this entry tonight. Adjo ::huggles:: and take care.