Am horrible at updating but who cares, right? I mean, I know very few people who read this and it�s for my own sake really. That being said I just realized I only have to update when I feel like it. Squeeeeeeeeeee! Am most grateful to Avi and Erin for their encouragement and support regarding last entry and my feeling down. Am feeling supremely better and am loving life for the most part. Have started writing in my original manner, not quite first nor third person narrative. Was told for very long time that it was absurd to write in such a manner, very baffling to others. Yes, I see� well bugger off to them. Will write however I feel like writing regardless of the opinion of the masses. Helen Fielding writes in such a manner and is international bestseller. How you like them apples, eh? There is hope for my odd writing style after all. With this realization, (which I have distorted into a type of encouragement) I have decided to dust of several of my manuscripts and story ideas. Am feeling rather guilty as I am scantily clad in front of the children but it is ever so hot to the point that I almost don�t care.

Am listening to Billie Meyers and daydreaming about a certain someone, really shouldn�t be doing that but oh well. That�s the glorious/horrible thing about infatuation; it invades your mind in every setting and situation. Example: last night Cali says something about music and immediately I think �Oh, he likes music!� Is really pathetic really as this makes me feel like giddy school-girl that I never was. Have been infatuated several times before but nothing like this. Wonderful feeling actually, quite nice, pleasant even. And no, I am not talking about Captain Feathersword this time. Problem being though, that I am infatuated with someone that I have no chance with nor would he ever consider me as an interest in romance category. Bugger. Oh well, I can dream can�t I? That�s the problem with being the reincarnate of Lassie and having the personality of a turnip, men are quite happy to ignore you and look at a completely different type of woman. Am laughing at self regarding reference to self as woman. Quaint, everyone else is content to call me �Child�. Suppose I will never outgrow that title. Will always be considered just one of the guys or kid sister type, never referred to as goddess, honey or other such flattering names. Oh well, such is my road in life, to be a permanent state of infatuation with men I can never have. (Self says infatuation as self is terrified of admitting that self could possibly be in love as self is mortified by the thought of love actually entering self�s life.) Yes, am quite aware that I am babbling. Good time for a disclaimer I suppose. This entry will most likely be comprised entirely of babbling, rambling, and the like. Once again, I offer a reward for anyone who actually can make it through this entire entry.

Am considering upgrading calling card as I feel cheeky not calling friends in other countries simply because it uses more minutes. Am quite aware that I am a wench. Ooooo, another example of my wenchiness, have dropped hints to Jmet and Cali about the object (or should I say person? Object seems kinda harsh) of my infatuation but refuse to tell them. Would like to tell them as it would be nice to share it with someone and not keep it entirely to self but am terrified that word will get back to him as they know him. And I know that I would just make an even bigger fool out of self if I knew that he knew. Besides he is a friend and do not want to risk losing friendship just because I am a mug with romantically inclined delusions. Oooooo, reminds me of comment Cali made last night, something along the lines of �I�m still waiting for Mr. Darcy to come carry me away.� Rather liked it; admitted to her that I too fall in love with fictional characters. *sigh* She was pleased to find that she was not the only; self was secretly pleased as well.

Had some interesting conversations in The Junkyard last night. One dealing with the pros and cons of what my life would be like if self was an exotic dancer. Actually was surprised (and secretly delighted *wg*) that self was topic of conversation. Was actually subject of several conversations last night (again *wg and delighted squeeee*). One about my infatuation, another about how to keep my mind off of my infatuation, yet another about self�s acting career and whether self should give it up, and the before mentioned exotic dancer conversation. Talked relationships with Cali, great fun as we both share quite a few views and opinions on dating, relationships, marriage, and single life, well life in general. Really like that girl, makes one�s self feel special just knowing her. Also, some interesting and exciting news from The Junkyard, R2 has won four front row seat tickets to a Bon Jovi concert. Go her!!! Am addicted to that place as the peeps are all so wonderful. :) (Am actually chatting in there at this moment.) Feel rather close to the people there and find self admitting/sharing things to them that self does not share with anyone. Such as last night�s revelation of �When I first moved here, I would freak out at night because I would hear the night guards walk by on their patrol. I feared that they were burglars and other such criminals. Now I like to think or pretend that it is Mr. Right coming to carry me away. It makes me catch my breath or sigh with delight sometimes. It�s really pathetic actually.� Guess they just bring something out in me; it�s like being in a permanent state of rummy.

Have just finished reading Bridget Jones�s Diary, (Blooming masterpiece! Heh, bloom� I like that word. Bloom, bloom, bloom! Squeeeeee!). Which could explain some of my odd behavior and writing. Found that I could really relate to the characters, which is rare unless character happens to suffer from a mental disorder. Have now started reading Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Helen Fielding is genius! Wonder why it is that she can write in such a style and be praised while I do the same and get flamed. Perhaps it is not best to ponder such things.

Oh, sorry, drifted off into La-La Land there. Cali was talking about Colin Firth and the beauty of fictional men. :) Dum de doo� *twiddles thumbs* Having just ran into my room to change into my jams and grab some more music, was almost stripped down to the skin when I realized the window and blinds were both open. D�oh! Am now listening to Alanis Morissette and resisting the urge to play TextTwist as self has become far too addicted to it. Seriously, I�ll be doing something or trying to sleep when an anagram word I could have used pops into my head. Actually, believe it was in one of my dreams last night, not good. Think I�ll just slip on over to IMDB to see if Colin Firth is too old for me (nope he�s not *g*), Wait did I just say that out loud? Not me, who never worships male beauty especially in the form of celebrities because that is shallow� Have just realized that I have join the ranks of the shallow mugs. Eep? Forgive me�

Well let�s see, I actually made a list of things I wanted to remember to write about and have only covered five of the fourteen topics. Better get a move on it. Alright, on to next topic, just wanted to mention that I was a Ring Wraith for Halloween, very fun. Hmmmmm, had two very interesting dreams this weekend but I think I will save them for another entry as this one is running long. Okay, so that takes two more topics off my list, will also leave off interest survey and whole relationship rant. So it�s down to three topics now. Splendid! Topic #1: Friday was a glorious day! It was an absolutely fantastibulous blooming day! There was a gorgeous blue sky and a gentle breeze that smelled of fresh baked bread. Whoa� conversation in The Junkyard just turned into sex-fest. Think I will zone out of there for a while as am quite uncomfortable.

Topic #2: Have been dressing in odd manner lately, am not sure why. Perhaps I do have MPD after all? Thursday was grungy medieval, Friday was Preppy Goth, Saturday was Cultured Singleton, and today I dressed in manner of Deadbeat Husband (tank & boxers). Not sure why I wanted to share that. Am just odd I suppose. Like to share meaningless and mainly useless details to bore the minds of those who brave an acquaintance with me. Can just hear Steph telling me I need a hobby. She�s right. �^�

Topic #3: Used beautiful Friday to go for a wonderfully invigorating walk. Ended up at library, very much needed. Was disappointed to find that they do not have the new James Patterson novel in yet. Put myself on waiting list for it anyway in hopes that it will come in soon. Was pleased to find out that the have a big shelf of cds to check out but was also a bit embarrassed to not have noticed it before. Half of my life is spent there, how could I have not noticed? Found some interesting music and decided to check out Billie Meyer�s Growing Pains, Alanis Morissette�s Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, MTV Unplugged with 10,000 Maniacs, and the soundtracks for Shine and Shakespeare in Love. Spent great deal of time wandering around, browsing through books. In the end I brought home a dozen books. A pretty good selection, at least I think so. Judge for yourself: Bridget Jones�s Diary, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, and Cause Celeb by Helen Fielding; The Christmas Box Miracle and The Carousel by Richard Paul Evans; Geisha, A Life by Mineko Iwasaki; Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden; Donnie Brasco by Joseph D. Pistone; Numbering All the Bones by Ann Rinaldi; The Girl in the Red Coat by Roma Ligocka; Clark Gable: Portrait of a Misfit by Jane Ellen Wayne; and um� *looks around sheepishly* Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. What? Don�t give me that look, I am a nanny after all. Well if that�s not variety then I don�t know what is. Also, would appreciate opinions if you have read any of these books.

Have returned to The Junkyard and am now listening to the Shakespeare in Love soundtrack for the umpteenth time since checking it out. Love it! Come to think of it, I spent most of yesterday locked in my room reading Bridget Jones and listening to this cd. Was a very nice, peaceful, and relaxing day. Have always been fond of film scores as should be obvious by cd collection. Wonder if everyone else�s cd collections are as odd and diverse as mine. Perhaps should do poll or take survey but doubt that will get done as am too lazy to do such things. Should probably reply to people�s guestbooks as they have been so kind to post in mine. Must not be so lazy! Have sudden urge to watch The English Patient again. Believe I am slipping into hopeless-romantic-at-heart phase, le sigh. Whatever shall I do? Have noticed that I am being very random tonight. Finally, it has cooled down. Thank heavens!

Have decided to compile a list of words that I used to use frequently but discontinued use due to flames and have now decided to imbed them back into my vocabulary. List is as follows: mug, wanker, bugger, prat, wench, wenchy, wenchable, mack, macking, snog, snogging, sod, sodding, arse, bloom, blooming, troll, trollicious, whomp, lolly, ho-bag, funky, spooky, wicked, eeeeeevil, freaky, cheeky, hoser, rummy, grubbage, irk, and heyas (am also going to continue to use British slang even if I am not British. Ireland is very close and we have a lot in common so bah!). Phrases I will start to use again: You�re the devil!; You�re conceited, I don�t love you anymore; Don�t make pull out the almighty grammar stick; Stoopid evil thing; Blah!; Whine, whine, whine, I�m dying, I have cancer, my wife left me for the mailman, I lost my legs in the war, all you ever do is whine; Don�t make me poke your eyes out; and I�ll teach you to mess with my machine!

Yes, I do realize that I am being very random and am incoherently babbling once again. Did you really think I was going to stop? :P Finally gave in and called Mum. Was waiting for her to call me but seeing as it has been a month since her last phone call, gave in and called so I could be fussed over. That�s not what happened. :( Have been forgotten by friends and family back home. Talked to Dad for a while and he mainly just talked about other people. He put Mum on the line and she mainly talked about brothers. Good to hear that they�re all doing well. Hinted that I had been ill and feeling down did, not get sympathy, rather was ignored and had to continue listening to wedding plans and updates of pregnancies. Have been replaced by soon to be sister-in-law. Wanted to shout �But what about me?!? Have you forgotten your darling baby daughter? Fawn over me!� Resisted urge and continued with polite conversation. Lil Bro�s performances went well, Older Brothers are excited by upcoming marriage and fatherhood. Sis�s family is doing well. Have been drawn to buy the gift for Dave�s family this year, bugger. It is always so much easier to shop for an individual rather than a family. Ugh, felt better for having called home but also felt neglected at the same time. Am happy to hear that all is well on the home front especially that Mum has finished treatments and is in remission. Go Mum!

Am thinking of calling friends and pestering them, will harass them about not keeping in touch. Oh bugger, it�s too late for phone calls right now. You know it�s pathetic really, I started writing this at 6:11, took a short break for supper, returned back and have nothing but write since. It is now 11:39. Suppose I have been distracted quite a bit by Colin Firth and the object, I mean, person of my infatuation. Should probably get head out of clouds and be a bit more grounded. You�ll probably be very glad to hear that I am now done writing. Have rambled on quite a bit and am now ready to go read a tad more before trying hopelessly to get some sleep. Why do infatuations insist on invading the mind? It is rather inconvenient. Anyway, I am off. Adjo, and take care. Let me know if you finished and I�ll cook up some reward for you.