Will not curse, will not curse, will not curse... Alright, now that I have that out of the way I would like to entitled this entry: My very presence irrates everyone.

Have pissed quite a few Sisters off at LOTR Sisters and am feeling really crappy about it. I just thought, and excuse me for trying to allow justice to prevail, that if someone has the right to publicly attack someone, doesn't someone have the right to publicly defend them? Obviously not. I am very close to crying, haven't cried in four months but suddenly it seems ineviatable.

I like to tell myself that I am strong, that what others say to or about me doesn't matter and for the most part the latter is true. But every now and then I just loose it and all my weaknesses shine through. I took a shot at myself not that long ago and have been spiralling down ever since. I can't wait to be home, I just want to hugged, to be loved, to be told that I'm worth something even if I don't believe it. I just want to feel something more than this persistant emptiness that is consuming me.

In The Four Feathers, the character Harry is so selflessly giving that he would lay down his life for his friends. He gives up the woman he loves because his friend also loves her and he wants nothing more than his friend's happiness. I'm not asking to have this type of friend (I already do, thankees so much, I love you guys!), rather I may be that type of friend. I know I am a horrible friend, so selfish and pesimistic and I love my friends so much for putting up with that. They have been so good to me, accepting me just as I am and never letting me belittle myself. If I'm having serious problems, I never have to worry about no one being around, it's usually opposite and there's too many of them trying to help.

I love their wonderful spirits and how willing they are to help everyone. I miss them so much and cannot wait until I see them again. (One week!!! Though, it seems far too long.)

I have to go for a while, but I will be back later to finish this entry, take care.