While my New Year�s Day itself was uneventful, this New Year has been rather eventful. On January 16 I flew home for my brother�s wedding. The flight there was pretty smooth and I believe I slept most the way as I had been up most of the night before packing and watching LOTR Ex Ed. We arrived a little late and met my sister at the airport. Eventually we made it out of the airport and drove to my parents� home. No one was there so my brother basically killed time until the rest of my family got home a couple hours later. He hadn�t seen the house before, well he had but it wasn�t finished then, so I took him on a tour of the place. My parents have acquired a lot more junk since the last time I visited. I really don�t know where it keeps coming from or where they find the place to put it.

He settled down in front of the T.V. while I retired to my room to unpack. My family finally got home and there were reunions and (re)introductions all around. At this point I found that I�d been kicked out of my own room, I hate when that happens. So I ended up sleeping on the living room couch, which is where sad news found me the next morning. At around seven the morning of January 17 my brother woke me with the news that my grandfather had passed away. It took a moment for the news to sink in, partially because I was still half asleep and partially because I had thought my Grampa would live forever.

Now I�ll be the first to admit that I�m an emotional person, little things set me off all the time but over the years I�ve become fairly good at controlling myself (I guess that�s due to my theatre training where emotion either was created or restrained at any given cue) but there are two things I can�t stand. One is seeing grown men cry and the other is seeing my mother cry. I took one look at my mother surrounded by her grown sons and was in tears. We wept and prayed together and made some important decisions. The wedding would still continue that day as planned; Grampa would have wanted it that way. We felt, in part, that this was a blessing in disguise because there was no other way for my Grampa to be in attendance of the ceremony. Now we knew his spirit would be there with us that day.

The other decision was that my brother and I would arrange flight changes, so we could be in attendance of the funeral. We also agreed that we wouldn�t let my Grampa�s passing spoil my brother�s day. Things went on as planned and the wedding was beautiful. Everything was perfect. We met for lunch and then met again at church for the reception. I was designated the �official� photographer and spent most of the evening following the guests and members of the wedding party. Things went beautifully and it�s hard to describe in words so I�m not going to say much about it. My brother chose a good woman and I�m glad she�s a part of our family now. The only downside of the evening was when I was clothes lined by this midget. Okay so she was only a little shorter than me but that doesn�t change the fact that she clothes lined me. Though, if she hadn�t done that, the bouquet would have hit me in the face� oh well, what�s done is done.

And now I�ve lost my train of thought� hmmm, well I guess I�ll just move on to something else then. Marie showed up at the reception, straight off the plane from Mexico. Being the selfish crack ho I am, I made her come to my house afterward, even though I knew she was extremely tired. We watched Signs, well more like she tried to sleep while I kept waking her up so I wouldn�t be alone. Gah! I hate being so paranoid sometimes. I swear, I�m scared by the most stoopid things. Eventually she went home and I was left to spend the night thinking about my impending doom.

The following day was a Saturday and I conned Sara, Marie, and Steph into spending the day with me. We drove down to Ephraim, armed with a digi cam, to visit Crystal. I took everyone out to a birthday lunch since I hadn�t been there for their birthdays. The rest of the day was spent taking goofy pics of each other until it finally it started getting dark and we decided we needed to head home. Probably a smart move on our part because that canyon is dangerous at night. When I actually get around to doing something, I�ll probably post some of those pics.

I spent Sunday with my family and most of Monday with Marie. I spent Monday night at the funeral home so I could stand in the family line at the viewing. It was a hard night for all of us. We�d been expecting it for quite some time and we knew Grampa was ready to go but that doesn�t always soften the blow. Tears filled my eyes as I peered into the casket, not only because he was gone, because this man looked nothing like my Grampa. I could tell it was him, but there were so many changes in features that it just hurt to look at him.

Tuesday morning finally rolled around and we all gathered at the church for the funeral. The service was beautiful, a wonderful celebration of his life. I was asked to sing with some of the other grandchildren and as I stood in front of all those people my eyes came upon my mother and I could no longer hold it in. I wept, for the good times and the bad. For all the memories my grandfather had left me with. I wept for the years to come where he would not be there. For the many special occasions in my life where he would not be physically present. I wept for my unborn children that would never have the chance to know this wonderful man except for what they heard in stories. I wept for him, for me, for all that I have lost and all that I have gained. And then I could weep no more.

We went to the cemetery for the dedication of the grave. It hurt to see the casket as it was admitted into the ground. Everything is so final once that step is taken. I know that most of this isn�t making much sense so I suppose I�ll try to wrap it up now. There was a military group I�m not sure which branch) that came and presented my Grandmother with a flag. Following that, they honored my Grampa with a twenty-one-gun salute. This made me proud. He was a true patriot and I was glad that someone other than our family recognized that. Eventually we all met back at the church for a luncheon and after many tears, embraces and well wishes, we all headed our separate ways.

I guess it�s easier for me to accept when an elder person passes away. They�ve lived a good life and many times are ready to depart this world. While it is very sad, it does not seem so tragic as when a much younger person, or even a child is suddenly taken from this existence. I know that Grampa is at peace now; there is no pain. His struggle is over and a new exaltation has claimed him. I only hope that I can be even the smallest portion of the being my Grampa was. He was good man, a good father, a good husband, a good grandfather, a good brother, a good son, and most importantly he was a good soul. He will be missed.

Marie and Fuzz were waiting for me when I got home that afternoon. We talked for a bit and then played Road Rage for a long time. At some point Stephanie called and we decided to all go out together since it was my last night. So the four of us piled into her car and went out for an evening of billiards. We played (miserably), laughed, ate, and Marie and I performed our own musical for everyone in the pool hall. It was like old times again; I miss those times a lot. But I guess that�s all part of growing up and becoming adults. It�s a shame though, that so much is left behind. The evening was almost perfect, except for the continual country music in the background.

As it happens, good things come to an end and the morning of February 22 found me aboard an airplane on my way back to Alabama. It gets harder each time I leave home. Every little thing begins to tug on my heart-strings, and for a while I�m somewhat of an emotional wreck. The next day I made an important decision. The next time I flew home it would be for good. So this coming June will find me back in my little ole Utah town once more and the thought delights me.

On Monday, January 27, I found myself in a state of shock and dismay. That evening I received a phone call from Marie and the news she gave me struck very deep. I can still hear her wavering voice on the line. �You�ll never believe what�s happened. I don�t know how to tell you this but Gaea passed away last night.� There it was, like a ton of bricks sitting on my chest. The hurt was almost immediate and I fumbled for words. Marie understood how hard it was and so she answered all my questions and filled me in on the details. �Gaea was headed home from a trip to St. George on Saturday. She and another passenger decided to switch seats and in the few seconds she was unbuckled the driver overcorrected and lost control of the car. The car rolled three times and she sustained massive head and neck injuries. Her back was broken; if she had lived she would have been paralyzed. She was rushed to the hospital immediately but it was too late. She was proclaimed brain dead and on Sunday evening her parents made the decision to let her go. Her body was left on life support to preserve the organs for donation but Gaea was gone.�

I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry but I just couldn�t. The shock was too much. It seems as though everything else just disappeared and I was trapped for an eternity, unable to speak or move. How does one respond to something like this? I don�t know� Eventually, I was able to speak again. I talked with Marie for a bit longer, all the while I was being torn apart inside. I haven�t really written much since then because the pain has still been too close. And right now I only write a small section about it because it is still hard to comprehend but it must be said.

I love Gaea, she was one of my life lines. Had she not been a part of my life, I can guarantee that I would be a very different person. I want to share a little about her, about the wonderful being that she was but I find it so hard to put into words. How do you explain perfection? It�s not possible to fully describe an angel� So for now, I�m going to leave you with an excerpt of something I wrote on her memorial site.

�I've known Gaea for as long as I can remember. We went went to school together and grew up in the same ward. While I was deeply saddened to hear the news of her passing, I cannot help but smile when I recall all the wonderful memories she has left with me. Some of my fondest memories are those from young women camp at Koholowo. I'd like to share the one sticks out the most in my mind.

I had gotten very ill at camp one year and was unable to participate in many of the events. Gaea, being her usual caring self, offered to stay and sit with me so I'd have some company. She traded beds with someone else so that she could be near me in case I needed anything during the night. She passed up the chance to join their games in order to take care of me. That's just her nature, she is always so generous and caring. I am so grateful that I had the chance to know her during her life.�

Perhaps I�ll be able to write more at a later date but write the words will just not come. I suppose there�s nothing more to be said in this entry so I�ll be taking my leave. Adjo, and take care! Please, please, please wear your seatbelts.